I was in the shower today after yet another stressful college day. On the verge of crying, I had remembered a previous passage from my private blog. I quickly ended my therapy session & headed for my computer. After re-reading it I couldn't help but laugh at myself. You see, minutes before I had written this ancient passage (copied & pasted below) I remember myself standing, facing the shower-head as my tears and snot created some sort of concoction with the warm water soothing my freckled-face. That was just one of the many "therapy sessions" that I had endured last year. It was funny because I would try really hard not to break down in front of my roommate (one of my closest friends) and make that quick dash to the bathroom to sob my stress away. Once I was done, I would regain my composure and act as if nothing was wrong. My, what a great actress i was. Hah, remind me to never become an actress when I grow up.
It is funny how life goes on and things change. You just have to find a way to cope with what is happening in the present & learn how to accept these changes or unfortunate happenings and work harder in hopes for a better future. I know my destiny is out there somewhere.
"Dream big, my dear"
"I tend to think a lot in the shower.. mostly about my day, how it went, and how i could possibly map out the near future. It's so relaxing and it's sort of a way of washing away today's stress and turmoil to start refreshed, new, and ready for the day to come. Unfortunately there are a few obstacles that I have become aware of in this ritual of relaxation.
First of all, my two friends and I plan on going to the Philippines this upcoming August in hopes of having the time of our lives in a place where we could learn more about our culture and visit our relatives (in case you did not know.. I'm half Filipino & proud). Tickets are pricy but during a previous shower i had calculated that this trip would be tangible if I work a certain amount of hours per week.
Unfortunately, as a college Senior, I was short a few credits and Daddy was not so happy about that, so he decided to stop paying for my rent. I understand where he comes from... both my mother and father are college graduates with high grades and aspiring ambitions. My sister's really smart and me... well I feel like i'm the rotten egg. I love arts, going to museums, and living life on the edge. If i could, I would dance to make money, paint and do ceramics for money, model and appreciate fashion, and attend museums for money, but Lord forbid... the Economy and civilization as we know it would abandon me for doing so. Hence the reason why i'm becoming an art teacher, getting my degree, and dragging my feet all the way. What is my dream? My dream is to become a star in the Philippines. My dream is to give back and help those in need. I want to make a name for myself & help every single one of my family members and friends so they may never suffer. I want the world to be a better place where everyone gets along. I watch my idols all the time on TV and such in hopes to one day be like them. If only i could go to the Philippines and struggle for stardom. That way I could support everyone i care about.
If only... If only...
(corny i know, but if you wanted something so bad, wouldn't you aspire for it too?)
So, as i was sitting at my desk today bored at work, I calculated how much I would make per pay check and deducted my rent and almost cried... It would take me twice as long to make the money in order to make it to the Philippines.
Parents can be lifesavers or stern people with no souls, but in the end they mean well...
& I'm just a stubborn daughter who is eyeing a stupid dream.
On a lighter note...I was sick with a sinus infection but I'm getting better! Yay me! Also, I'm volunteering at a Homeless Shelter & I'm loving it! The people are interesting & i feel good helping them."
Sometimes a good cry in the shower is all we really need
